The Mugiwara Question Column!
by Sacred Sakura
Summary: What questions have you ever wanted to ask the Mugiwaras? Well, now here's your chance to ask them! Just post your question in the Reviews section! You know how! :D CURRENTLY ON HIATUS
1. Good Morning, One Piece World!

_**The Mugiwara Question Column!!!  
**_**A One Piece Fan Fiction  
****by Sacred Sakura**

**First Conceptualized/Written: 4/1-2/2007  
****First Published: 4/2/2007**

**Rating: T for profanity, inappropriate implications, and humor  
****Genre: Humor (What else would I label it? (rolls eyes))  
****Disclaimer: I wish I owned One Piece, but I don't, so please don't sue me. The Mugiwaras' responses, however, are all my conception, save for factual information or content taken as fact in manga/anime.**

**Dedication: To HogwartShinobi, who I actually don't know and have never chatted with here. Her _Ask Zoro_ fanfic inspired this. So, arigatou times one hundred!!!**

**A/N: Please submit any questions you may have for the Mugiwaras, be they specifically directed toward one or two members of the crew, or aimed at the entire crew at large. I will do my best to blackmail them all into answering!!! Please keep your questions rated "Teen" (or at the very least APPEAR so when taken literally by a naive person), else I will be compelled to censor or even not include your queries.**

**And another note: Sadly, Franky has disappeared somewhere (probably in the loo after accidentally drinking one of Usopp's Concoction Stars, although I don't think it was a Rotten Egg Star), so he most likely won't be appearing until Chapter Te—(a loud moan of agony emits from the nearby restroom)—uh, okay, maybe until Chapter Fifteen or Twenty... Gomen-nasai...

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**

**This first chapter opens up the Q and A. Please send your questions in the following format:**

**Dear (insert name of addressee or simply 'Mugiwaras' here),**

**(Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, etc.)  
****(Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, etc.)  
****(Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, etc.)  
****(Blah blah blah blah blah blah, etc.)**

—**(insert penname and (optional) question penname here)**

**It would make my already busy and stressed life so much easier. Thanks!

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**

**Article One: Ohayou Gozaimasu, One Piece no Sekai!!! (Good Morning, One Piece World!!!)**

**"Oi! Oi!! Minna!! Okite!! Okite!!!"** yelled a bespectacled girl as she walked through the two cramped sleeping rooms of the _Mugiwara Paper_ building, banging loudly on an aluminum pot with a cheap steel ladle. (Hey, we're poor, alright? We can't afford fancy 18/10 stainless steel!) **"Shigoto suru jikan da!!! It's time to work!!!"**

"Yosh, yosh, we got it," grumbled Usopp, yawning, as he attempted to rub the sleep from his eyes—with little result. "What time is it, anyway?"

"Time to **work**," the girl scolded, hands on her hips. She then recommenced banging on her makeshift alarm clock. "Minna!!! Okite!!! **Okite!!!"**

She stopped at a blissfully sleeping Sanji. **"Wake****"**—she set off a violent kick into his sensitive parts—**"UP!!!"**

**"Yyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"**

Usopp sweatdropped. 'I'm sure glad I'm not in his place.'

"Mmmnnnnnyyaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh?" asked Luffy drowsily, sitting up. "Nan da...?"

**"Wh-what the hell did you do that for!?!"** Sanji demanded hotly, clutching his still-throbbing privates.

"Trying to wake you up, of course. Do you hate me for it?"

**"YES I DO!!!"** the blond replied, grinding his teeth in anger.

"Well, then. Do you want to kill me?"

**"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK!?! YOU KICKED ME IN THE FU—"**

"Somehow, I don't think Nami-san and Robin-san would appreciate seeing you apparently murder in cold blood their editor and agent for the _Mugiwara Paper_. In fact, I believe they would much rather prefer a nice, warm, hearty breakfast to start off the wonderful day."

Sanji froze, torn between two irresistible desires. Should he exact his revenge and later be scolded for cook's negligence, or prepare a feast and put off retaliation for another time?

The answer was clear and indisputable.

"Oh **Naaaaaaaaaaaaaami-shwaaaaaaaaan!!! Roooooooobin-chwaaaaaaaaaaaan!!! Please rise and shine to a wonderful, delicious, healthful morning brunch!!!"** And the blond went twirling toward the kitchen, hearts aflutter in the air all around him.

"Breakfast? Yay! I get dibs on the sausage!!!" Luffy ran off after the cook, grinning in anticipation.

"Oi! Zoro! Wake up!" The Mugiwaras' agent kicked the green-haired swordsman in the side. "It's time to get up, eat breakfast, and start working on answering questions for the 'Mugiwara Question Column'! Oi! Can you hear me or not!?!"

The swordsman didn't budge a centimeter.

She stared at him for a moment, then began to walk away. "Okay, then. I guess you can just go ahead and spend the next three days **boozeless**..."

Zoro's eyes shot open as he scrambled to pull on a shirt and rushed into the bathroom.

"Ha." She smirked, dragging a bleary-eyed Usopp by the nose into the living room. "I knew that would work."

"Mmmmmm! Something smells good!!" Nami murmured, her nose in the air.

Robin accompanied the ginger-haired girl into the living room. "Indeed. Good morning, Sakura-san." Noting that their agent had Usopp's nose in her hand, she queried, "Need any help?"

"That would be great," said Sakura, relieved, as she handed the still-unconscious youth to Robin's multi-handed care. "Oi, Sanji, is breakfast done yet? Nami and Robin are waiting."

"Like hell I care whether you're waiting or n—**Naaaaaaaaaaaaaami-shwaaaaaaaaan!!! Roooooooobin-chwaaaaaaaaaaaan!!! Breakfast is ready!!!"** The ero-cook floated into the adjacent and cramped dining room, trays of morning delicacies and treats balanced expertly on his head and in his hands.

"Took you long enough to get the grub ready," Zoro grumbled, taking a seat at the table.

"Let's eat!" cheered Luffy, already grabbing at the sausage links that Sanji smoothly maneuvered out of the dark-haired boy's reach.

"No! Nami-san and Robin-chan get first pick!" Sanji snapped, planting his foot in Luffy's eager face. His voice turned sugary sweet. "Here you go, my lovely ladies!"

"Aw, thank you, Sanji-kun," cooed the redhead, manipulative machinations evident only in her eyes.

"It looks delicious," complimented Robin.

Usopp at last awoke, aroused only by the mouth-watering aroma of Sanji-cooked breakfast. "Is the food ready?"

"'Good Morning, One Piece no Sekai,'" Sakura muttered under her breath. "'Welcome to the small world of the Mugiwara Kaizokudan...'"

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**Please send in questions!!!**


	2. The First Influx of LettersSort Of

_**The Mugiwara Question Column!!!  
**_**A ****One Piece**** Fan Fiction  
****by Sacred Sakura**

**First Conceptualized/Written: 4/30/2007  
****First Published: 5/1/2007**

**Rating: T for profanity, inappropriate implications, and humor  
****Genre: Humor (What else would I label it? (rolls eyes))  
****Disclaimer: I wish I owned ****One Piece****, but I don't, so please don't sue me. The Mugiwaras' responses, however, are all my conception, save for factual information or content taken as fact in manga/anime.**

**Dedication: To HogwartShinobi, who I actually don't know and have never chatted with on Her **_**Ask Zoro**_** fanfic inspired this. So, arigatou times one hundred!!!**

**A/N: YAY!!! AN UPDATE AT LAST!!! I was initially planning on making weekly updates for this series, but...well...time constraints got in the way.  
Please submit any questions you may have for the Mugiwaras, be they specifically directed toward one or two members of the crew, or aimed at the entire crew at large. I will do my best to blackmail them all into answering!!! Please keep your questions rated "Teen" (or at the very least APPEAR so when taken literally by a naive person), else I will be compelled to censor or even not include your queries.  
****And another note: Sadly, Franky has disappeared somewhere (probably in the loo after accidentally drinking one of Usopp's Concoction Stars, although I don't think it was a Rotten Egg Star), so he most likely won't be appearing until Chapter Te—(a loud moan of agony emits from the nearby restroom)—uh, okay, maybe until Chapter Fifteen or Twenty... Gomen-nasai...  
****And in case you're wondering, Sakura is me.

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**

**Article Two: The First Influx of Letters...Sort Of**

"Oh, look!" Sakura exclaimed, poring over a small stack of letters while munching on a carrot stick. "We finally have some submissions!"

_"Dear Mugiwaras-san,  
Random question: Have u guys ever thought about starting a band? In this other anime the characters did a promo for their cd."_

_--nekosaru:3_

"Oooooooooh!!! A band!!!" Luffy yelled excitedly. "That's a cool idea!!! Sugoooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!"

"As your agent, I shall be receiving seventy-five percent of all profits," Nami declared with a glint in her eye.

"You're gonna make us broke if you hog all the money for yourself," Zoro retorted.

"Nami-swaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!! You may have all of my portion if you'd like!!!"

"Why, thank you, Sanji-kun," Nami cooed.

"I'll be the lead singer!!!" Luffy announced, excitement building as the idea appealed to him more and more. "Sanji and Usopp, you're the guitars!!!"

"Never!!!" Sanji snarled, his endearing demeanor suddenly twisted into one of anger. "A chef never uses his hands for anything but cooking!!!"

"Zoro, drums!!!"

"Hey, that's actually not a bad idea..." the green-haired swordsman mused. "Three drumsticks...'Sanbachiryuu'..." He grinned devilishly. "I like..."

"Chopper, the piano-thingy!!!"

"Eh?!? EH?!? But I don't know how to play an instrument!!!" The diminutive and shy reindeer blushed at the thought of performing before a large audience.

"Okay, since Nami is gonna be our agent...what about you, Robin?"

"Hmm... I suppose I could be both the stagehand and foreign relations... Nami and I could also be backup singers and dancers or something..."

Luffy turned to Sakura. "What about you, Miss Editor?"

The dark-haired girl looked at him sourly. "I'm just your newspaper editor; nothing more. So don't expect me to do anything but write columns on your performances." She paused, then looked around. "What about Franky?"

Luffy gasped dramatically. **"OH MY GOD!!! We completely forgot about Franky!!! Where is he?!? He can't miss something this awesome!!!"**

"Glad to see you've been paying attention..." she muttered as everyone sweatdropped. "Franky, by the way, is in the bathroom; somehow, he accidentally consumed one of Usopp's newest concoctions..."

Usopp gulped guiltily.

"Nevertheless," Sakura continued, "Franky will most likely be in charge of concessions, halftime entertainment, and holding back the rabid fan populace."

Zoro, Usopp, and Sanji snickered.

Luffy pondered on it for a moment. "Sounds good to me," he finally decided.

"Of course," Sakura continued, "all this theorizing is based on the **probability** of whether we would ever consider starting a band. That is **not** to say that we necessarily **are."** 'That, and the fact that Luffy can't sing worth crap...'

The boy-captain's elated expression sank into one of disappointment. "Awwww..." he whined.

"Anyway, on to the next question." Readjusting her glasses, the editor of the _Mugiwara Once-in-a-While_ picked up another letter and read aloud.

_"Dear Mugiwaras,  
What would you do if Ace and his nakama found One Piece before you?"_

_--NoName (wolfjohanna2101)_

"That ain't gonna happen!!!" Luffy declared with absolute certainty. "I won't let him, even if he is my brother!!!"

"Even if he did," Nami said, smirking, "I would steal it from right under their noses."

"Of course you would; we wouldn't expect any less from the likes of a woman like you," Zoro snarled.

"Do you want your debt to go up another one hundred percent?" the ginger-haired girl asked, her voice saccharine. "If not, I suggest you be quiet about my values."

"Wonderful job, Nami-swan!!!" Sanji exclaimed, hearts in his eyes.

"What an idiot..." groaned Usopp and Zoro in unison.

While Chopper remained silent and uncertain, so did Robin. 'I don't really care either way, really...'

_"Hey what do you think sanji would do if he met catwoman and started dating her? I'm a catwoman one piece fan people quit strain at me (hits older brother)!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH"_

_--Sanjiandserea_

"It depends on her loveliness," Sanji replied smoothly, brushing back his blond hair in an "I'm so cool and suave" manner.

"I bet it wouldn't matter," Zoro retorted, "so long as she has a rack and a pretty face."

"Hey!!!" snarled Sanji angrily. "What the hell's that supposed to mean, shitty swordsman!?!"

"Anything you'd like it to, shit-cook!!!" the swordsman shot back.

"Watch that mouth of yours, Moldy Head!!!"

"Girlie-man ero-cook!!!"

"Kuso bakayarou!!!"

"Sex junkie!!!"

"Sword junkie!!!"

**"Will you two quit it!?!"**

As the two enraged men began another fight around the breakfast table, Nami yelling at them to stop, Usopp muttered in a voice too low for the cook to hear, "I gotta agree with Zoro..."

Chopper nodded. "I think I do, too..."

"What's a catwoman?" Luffy wondered.

"Sure as hell I'd know..." Sakura delicately answered around a mouthful of broccoli and ranch dip. "I pretty much watch only anime and read only Japanese manga..."

"Well..." Robin began. Knowing that the self-professed archaeologist was about to start another one of her infamous knowledgeable lectures about the world, Sakura sighed and furnished a pad and pen from somewhere to take notes.

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**Thanks to those who submitted questions!!! Please send in more queries for the Mugiwara crew to answer!!!**


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